Angry all the time

Kathleen wants to know why I am angry all the time. And she's right. I am angry all the time. Or at least most of the time. I try to hide it from her and from myself but when I really think about it, I am angry a lot. I get ticked off easily (too easily) any more. Little stuff, big stuff and more just tick me off. When I am alone, I let it out. When I am with Kathleen or anyone else, I just cover it up. 

All this came to light today when Kathleen went back to work and found a message from me on her work phone. It seems that when I had gone out to get dinner on Saturday night at our favorite Mexican take-out place, I had inadvertently hit her office number on my cell while it was in my sweatshirt pocket and she got to hear my totally ticked-off tirade about the idiot drivers taking forever to get into the parking lot where I wanted to go. It wasn't just that. It was just the whole thing. I started making lists of things that have just been ticking me off. It's always the little stuff. 

Here's what I mean. Kathleen needed an Amazon gift certificate for a gift exchange at work. So I went on early today to get it for her. First problem was you had to know who to make it out to. Well since it was a grab bag kind of gift, we didn't know. So I had to wait until she got home to finish the purchase. Then it should have been an easy thing to buy it and print it. But that was not to be. She got home, we figured it out and I bought it. But did Amazon recognize me (like it ALWAYS does)? No! I have to type in all the passwords and then it finally lets me put in my credit card. Then it won't take my credit card because I didn't tell it that it was the right kind of card. So I have to type everything back in again. Then I get it purchased but it won't let me download the PDF and print it because I have to wait to get the e-mail that confirms I bought it. But the computer I was on (that was hooked up to my color printer so I could print it) doesn't have e-mail. So I had to go to this computer (my laptop) get the e-mail, save the PDF and then copy back to the computer connected to my USB color printer. Then I tell it to print and the printer is out of yellow ink. It's been printing fine up until then but now it wants yellow ink. WHAT THE ^#%&&$^%$$%#%#!!! So I get out yellow ink and try to install only to find that the only yellow in I have only fits the printer I used to have. So I have to e-mail the PDF to Kathleen's computer upstairs so I can print it there. I finally get it printed but it has now taken more than 30 minutes for something that should have taken five minutes, MAX! That's the frustration I am talking about. Things like that happen all the time. 

And don't even get me started about my head. It is a constant irritation. As great as my psoriasis has been the new treatment that Dr. Greene has for my scalp means that I have to have a solution on my head covered by a shower cap for 6-8 hours a day. And under that shower cap it itches constantly. Like having continuous poison oak. My head itches just about 24-7. But it has improved my scalp enough that I am no longer losing big chunks of scalp and hair. 

Is there any wonder that I am on edge constantly. And there just isn't enough time in the day. And an awful lot of people I deal with are just plain stupid. I am sorry. I have gotten to the point where I don't suffer fools very well. And for some reason I seem to attract the fools more and more all the time. 

I wish I could figure out a way to not be so stressed on a regular basis. I just have too much going on. Too much to do. I'm just damn tired of this. I know that to relieve stress there are lots of things I can do. A big one is exercise. I already work out an hour a day and get up at 4:20 am to do it. I can't do anymore. I just can't.