Friends

Now here is a perfect topic for a Friday afternoon. Something I think about often, my friends. You see they have been few and far between in my life. Let me explain. And I will try to do this without sounding like I am whining or complaining.

I have always had friends but not always "good" friends. Especially of the same sex. I am not the guy that hangs out with other guys. Never have been, never will be. Let's go back to grade school. I was usually one of the bigger (read husky--oh hell, read fat) kids in my class at St. Theresa's. (Catholic school meant the same 45 kids together in a class for eight straight years.) That meant the the guys who were cool did not pick me for their teams or did not really want to be the fat kid's friend. Therefore most of my friends in grade school were the sons of my parent's friends who were forced to play with me when my parents and their parents socialized. From those forced relationships a couple of friends developed. One of those I still have today as a peripheral friend that I see once in a 20 year period and send Christmas cards to. We were friends throughout high school and maybe a little better friends during our college years but still not a person I would ever confide in.

Most of my friends in high school (my close friends) were girls. Girls that I would have gladly had a romantic relationship with if they had been interested but I was willing to settle for their friendship since they weren't. One of them I still correspond with at Christmas and if I had to count my true friends in life, she would be in my top 10. I can say that I did not have a single close, male friend in high school. Like I said, I was never "one of the guys." Some of the guys let me hang around with them. Pretty cool guys too. Five of them had a pretty decent (best in our school) rock band and I was their roadie. I got to do that because my parents had a station wagon that I could borrow most of the time. But I believe that without that station wagon I would have been long gone no matter how many amps and guitars I was willing to carry. 

In college I met my first wife and that pretty much did it. I have always been the kind of person who would rather spend time with my significant other than with anyone else. I never understood the guys who would go out for beers, play cards, shoot pool or to bowl than be with their wives. I would rather be with my wife (yes, even my first wife) than with any of the guys I knew at the time. Conversation interested me more than sports or games. And conversation has always been kind of a girl thing, right? 

If I look back at my first marriage I can see that most of the people we socialized with were friends (and relatives) of my wife. Since she never liked any job I ever had that meant that she also didn't like any person I ever knew that came from those jobs. When I taught school we never associated with any of the other teachers which was probably just as much to do with the fact that she didn't like my job as the fact that I was the youngest teacher by almost 20 years at the school where I taught. And she was even younger. (I was 22, she 19.) And later when I moved on to Jostens she absolutely hated the entire company and anyone associated with it. So no friends there. This meant that our friends were really her friends and their husbands. Again, that was OK with me. None of those guys was I really in a hurry to hang out with. (Boy, I sound difficult, don't I?) My first wife was also very social so she had a bunch of friends, especially when our kids got into school and she started socializing with the parents of other kids in our kids classes.

During that time (and even now) I am still not that close of a friend with many of the folks from Jostens. I would say that I have made many friends over the years with Jostens but very few that I do much more than talk business with. I think part of the reason that deep relationships don't develop with the Jostens folks is that we are so separated. For the first 20 years of working with Jostens I didn't have another rep that lived closer than 75 miles from me. So we only saw each other four or five times a year or talked on the phone on a monthly basis. No major relationship develop that way. Now my best friend with Jostens lives only a few miles away and she and I talk almost every day. And even though we consider her and her husband our friends, they are the age of our kids so again, not folks we end up socializing with on a regular basis. 

When I met Kathleen I had some friends from Leavenworth. Notably, Jocelyn who was the person who told me I needed to get out there and meet someone and basically pushed me into the looking on the web for the person that I eventually found that became the love of my life. But Jocelyn (who married Craig within a week of when Kathleen and I got married) moved to China and eventually split with Craig and our relationship has kind of fallen away. Not for any particular reason, just that we don't see each other (even though she has returned to Western Washington) often. I don't think we have seen her since Christmas 2008. That is probably more our fault than hers and we need to make more of an effort to reconnect. If I was counting those 10 most important friends in my life, she would be on that list as well.

So, when Kathleen and I were first together, our friends were pretty much people I had known before I met her and the few Jostens folks that lived nearby or came to visit. And this was AOK with me. Kathleen and our kids were all I really needed at that point. I am that kind of person. A one person guy. And then we started cruising. 

Or I should say then we discovered Cruise Critic. If you don't know what I am talking about, Cruise Critic is an online community for those of us who love to travel on cruise ships. (No cruise ship cracks allowed here.) As everyone reading should know, I met Kathleen online, so why should it be any surprise that we would meet our best friends online as well. Because that's where we met them. 

In 2005 we got lucky enough to take a short, six day, repositioning cruise from Vancouver, BC to San Francisco. On the Cruise Critic thread for that cruise we met two other couples that we just clicked with. (That's our picture at the top of this post.) And these wonderful people have become our dearest friends. Even though two of them are clear across the country, we talk online on a daily basis either on the Cruise Critic boards or through e-mail and now on Twitter. And like my relationship with Kathleen, these long-distance relationships have become the best friendships I have ever had in my life. 

The two that aren't across the country have become our closest friends. They live about 120 miles north, just across the border. I can honestly say that other than Kathleen there is no one I would rather spend time with. We try to see them at least once a month but we are in heavy withdrawal because we haven't seen them since Thanksgiving weekend (but we will remedy that tomorrow when we meet them for lunch halfway between our two homes). We just seem to click with these two. They are so much like us (and yet not like us) and we love seeing them. They have introduced us to their family who have welcomed us like we were part of the family. A better bunch of kids you could not meet. 

Next month is going to be fantastic as the six of us will again be vacationing together. First the four of us from the NW will visit the other two at their home, do a road trip to Key West together and then all of us will sail away for a week in the Caribbean. We can't wait. And we know that they can't either. The Mates back together again. That's what friendship is all about. At least it is for me. 

Frustration and guilt

Oh boy, two of my favorite topics. 

I am frustrated today. Why, because the person I love the most in the world is sick and there is nothing I can do about it. As mentioned before, Kathleen has shingles. And they are painful and making her tired and worse. I want to do something to help her besides putting gas in her car or cooking dinner but since I am not a doctor there is nothing I can do beyond what I am doing. Frustration! 

Kathleen says that I am a typical "man" that has to solve every problem that comes his way. And that is pretty much true. When we have disagreements or arguments, I don't want to discuss things. I just want to know what I need to do to fix something and then to fix it. Cut to the core of the thing. You get sick, let's fix it. Maybe that's why I love my new dermatologist. His attitude is, you have psoriasis? Let's cure it. And he just keeps trying until he does. And he has. I am just about 99% psoriasis free.

Now to the guilt. I grew up Catholic. More Catholic than my brothers and sister. I went to 9 years of Catholic school. I was an altar boy, sang in the choir and was taught by nuns in 6 of those 9 years. Nothing instills guilt like a Catholic upbringing. And this coming week the guilt is going to set in. On Sunday I have to fly to Orlando to attend Jostens annual National Sales School. And it's bad enough when I go and leave Kathleen when she is well (OK, I admit it, we hate being away from each other) but when she is sick it will drive me nuts. I have already offered to cancel but she is adamant that she will be OK and that I am just being foolish. Of course she has always said that about my "stupid guilt" and she is probably right. She usually is, on most things. That's why I love her so much.

Our family Christmas Event

As promised here's my report our Christmas event at Teatro Zinzanni. It was great. The new show was totally different than previous shows we have seen. A new master of ceremonies, Chef Caesar, was hilarious. Dinner was good although they really dragged it out. The show is built into dinner. In the past it seemed like we had an intro then got our soup. This year there was an intro and another act then the soup, then the same thing before the salad then the same thing before the entree. And then they actually finished the show before we ate dessert. 

At that point I realized that there was a method to their madness. In the past when the show was over, all 300 people headed for the door at the same time. Now after the show was over, as people finished their desserts, they kind of left in smaller groups. Very smart. 

We really had a great time. Everyone was in a really good mood as you can tell from the photo. That's all of us. Josh, Brian, me and Joel. In front, Kathleen, Michelle and Jenna. This one is my favorite pic of the three they took. I will post the other two later. 

As nice as last night was, today was peaceful and kind of the pits. Kathleen was diagnosed with shingles. Hopefully it becomes a light case and she can handle it. 

At last

OK, I am the first to admit it. When they passed out the "fix it" genes in my family, my brother Steve got them all. Let's review. My dad is one of the handiest men I know. There isn't much he can't do. I am his oldest son and I am the most inept do-it-yourself guy you will ever meet. Most of the time my "fix it" projects are less projects than challenges. I mean, I can change a light bulb but a lot past that is not for me to do. 

My brother Steve (the middle son) got the "fix it" gene from Dad. He can build stuff, repair stuff and tackles stuff I wouldn't even consider trying. And he's good at it. He and his wife have a beautiful home that always seems to be in great condition (although his wife Jamie might say differently--I just don't know). I have to admit that I do not know if my youngest brother John has the "fix it" gene. I'll have to ask him next time I talk to him.

I got the creative gene, by the way. It's served me well over the years. I write, take great pictures (I think) and do pretty decent design. 

Which brings me to today. As a homeowner whenever anything breaks in the house that I can't just replace it freaks me out. It means I have to try and fix it or I have to try and find someone to fix it that knows what they are doing. 

Do you know how hard it is to find someone who does little "fix it" jobs? It's crazy. No one wants to do small jobs. And if they do, they want big bucks. So last week we had a built-in fan in our laundry that is an integral part of our whole house ventilation just stopped working. To me, that means the fan needs to be replaced. We also have a VERY noisy bathroom fan that we thought we might replace as doing both might entice someone to come out and do that for us. 

I started off calling a place we had used before (Gleem Handyman Services) but they wanted $168 to just come out, look at the fans, tell us what was wrong with them and what parts were needed to fix them. Then I would have to go to a Home Depot type store and pick up the parts after which they would come back and install them for another $168. YIKES!!! That's almost $500 to repair the fans. 

So I kept looking. And as the title of this post says, "AT LAST" I found someone. Honey Do Services. I know, it's a funny name. But sure enough today, out came the Honey Do guy and I showed him the fans. He said, "Let me look at them and I'll tell you what I think." So he went to work and I went back to my office to work. About 45 minutes later I realized (it was a really busy day) that he was still working. The dollar signs went off in my head but a few minutes later he came down and asked me to come up and see what he had figured out. 

With the laundry room fan (that is on a timer) he found that the fan was fine. He had cleaned it out and gotten it to work. He found that the timer was broken. He had pulled it out of the wall, showed me exactly what to do to remove it so I could take it to Home Depot, tell them I needed to replace it and then how to put it all back together. He gave me detailed instructions without being condescending. A really great guy. Then he showed me how much guck he had pulled out of the bathroom fan and that just by doing that and pushing a small piece of wood between the housing of the fan and the ceiling it would cut the vibration sound by half. But he told me, "This type of fan will never be really quiet." But it is so much quieter I am thrilled. 

But the best is yet to come. After cleaning up after himself we went back down to my office so I could write him a check and he asks, "Would $55 be too much?" Too much? Too much? I would have paid him $155 (I actually gave him $75) just for coming out and being so incredibly honest about what needed repair and what didn't. How refreshing and wonderful is it to find someone like that in this day and age. And he said, he'll come back anytime. YAHOO! I am thrilled. I can stop worrying about home repairs.